Is This Why I Stay in Kalamazoo?

While I’m still tired of doing stuff alone, there is no shortage of stuff to do in Kalamazoo — and for little or no money. I spent only $9 this weekend, but saw world famous art and photography up close, enjoyed a jazz concert and watched a really moving documentary about the Toronto Metal band, Anvil.

Concerts in the Park this week showcased the Blue Lake International Jazz Band. I wasn’t sure what to expect as the concert description was “striking, world-traveled jazz.” But I was thrilled when I saw all the saxophones, trumpets and trombones come out in the hands of really young people. It was a great mix with everything from Count Basie to Chic Corea.

But, the highlight of the weekend had to be Anvil! The Story of Anvil. It played at The Little Theatre all weekend. And, what a story it is! Sad, yet inspiring. It made me want to purchase their latest release. I’m not really a Metal fan these days — but these guys deserve a break!

Anvil! is a band (Robb Reiner and Steve “Lips” Ludlow) that didn’t make it on the Metal scene, yet is still together making music. They’ve produced 16 CD’s since 1981! Their influence seemed to be great in the beginning (though they reminded me of Judas Priest). They were supposedly groundbreaking with their fast paced heaviness and stage presence when they came on the scene in North America. I think it was Scott Ian of Anthrax that said they set the standard for Metal in the 80s and everyone just ripped them off and left ‘em to die.

But it was really a story about the love, dreams, and experiences that our lives are made from. These guys have been playing together since they were 14 years old, just hit their 50s, and are still trying to “make it.” It was a great reminder to live with a full heart even if your dreams never come true, because life goes by fast and can change forever in a split second. In pursuing your dreams, you create a life. Their story reminded you to not be left looking back to discover that you just sat there waiting for it all to happen. Now is all we have, so if not now, when?

Four-Dollar Friday

I had intended on spending this vacation day at the Lake. But, with temperatures only in the 60s, and clouds blocking out the sun, I decided to catch the Georgia O’Keeffe exhibit at the KIA. And, I got a couple of bonuses — tickets are only $4 on Fridays, and I didn’t get rained on there or back.

It inspired me to paint! So, with this cool weather making “The Yellow Room” a great place to hang out (my favorite in the house, though it’s usually only usable in the Spring and Fall due to heating and cooling issues), I finally got the canvas that’s been sitting around here unwrapped and marked out for my faux Mondrian. I started with yellow of course. It’s looking pretty good so far. Maybe I’ll post a photo when it’s finally hanging on the wall.

1953 CHEVROLET $50

One of the best stories about life is in Richard Brautigan’s The Tokyo-Montana Express. “1953 Chevrolet” tells the story of his friend’s dream of buying an old car to drive from Montana to California. He sees an ad “1953 Chevrolet $50” and his mind begins to build this great fantasy about it. He’s very excited — has taken the entire trip in his head with great detail by the time he goes to look at the Chevrolet. The old woman who owns it greets him at the door and they being the walk to the garage.

He asks “How are the tires?” and she replies, “Tires? There are no tires.” Hmmm. No tires, but he thinks that’s a pretty minor thing. He can buy tires for it. They continue down the path to the garage. “How are the breaks?” “Breaks? There are no breaks.” Again, a set-back but something fixable. It continues this way with the car slowing falling apart in his head until they get to the garage and the woman opens the door. And there sits a 1953 Chevy engine.

I LOVE that story and think of it every time I get too excited about something. It’s a great reminder of how you can’t have any expectations about anything (or anyone) in life. It NEVER turns out the way you imagined it would — so I just don’t let myself do that. It has saved me a lot of grief. It’s a rule I live by. No ’53 Chevrolets! Of course this story was reinforced for me right after I read it about 15 plus years ago when a friend invited me to go up to Alberta with her and watch her husband hang-glide off the cliffs up there. She told me there was “an old school house” in town where I could rent a room. I absolutely love that part of Michigan, and spun this great image in my head about staying in “an old school house” — on the Lake! Wow! It was going to be so cool! Well, the “old school house” was not the grand wooden structure I was expecting — and it was not on the Lake. It was an old SCHOOL — a cinderblock elementary school! The rooms were cold and void of any character. That was a great lesson — one that has stuck with me since.

This is true with people too. I recently started dating again. Something I went into reluctantly for sure, but I didn’t want to spend another summer doing “stuff” alone. I had no expectations about meeting my “soul mate” or any of that romantic crap. I had true love once, and I gave that up in search of passion — and I found it. That wasn’t enough either. But, I got to experience both things and I figure I’ve been pretty lucky. Many people never have either. I think it’s pretty likely that I will spend the rest of my life alone — and that’s okay.

Now, I don’t usually write personal stuff on here — that’s what my journal is for. But, I did end up meeting someone I really liked. I stuck with my ’53 Chevy rule. No big fantasies or expectations. I just really enjoyed his company. But, I made the mistake of sharing my feelings about how much I liked him way too soon — and he thought I was building that car in my head. So, guess I’ll be going to the Lake alone again this summer — in my 1996 Olds and the only expectation I’ll have is to enjoy myself.

What's Next?

I was recently asked that question after confessing that I wasn’t sure how I got “here.” I left a long relationship because I wanted to be with athletic people — and travel. Where I ended up is very different indeed. I’m not “athletic” anymore, that’s for sure!

So, what’s next? The question has really gotten to me — and it’s making me dig really deep. I know I want something different, but maybe I’m looking in the wrong direction. I have traveled a bit in the past 12 years, but I never did go see those “red rocks.” I think I need to quash my fears around job security and plan that trip soon. Who knows what I will — or won't — find when I get there.

My Independence Day

It's July 2nd and I am not hearing bottle rockets and firecrackers going off every five minutes. Weird! In a neighborhood like this, they usually start at the end of June and continue on through the end of summer. Weird, but nice.

It is very quiet with most of my immediate neighbors out at the lake, up north, or camping someplace. It feels kind of lonely, but it's exactly what I've been needing — a quiet weekend at home.

There was another deer in the yard today. I'm not sure it's the same one — too small. It's unusual, and so exciting in some way, but unfortunately they really like flowers and have eaten a lot of mine. It makes me wonder what happened to all the rabbits we used to have.

This is also my own personal independence day weekend. It's been 12 years since I left my marriage. Seems like a lifetime ago. And, in many ways it was.